Childhood Grief: A Pandemic of Loneliness

By Julia K. Morin

Co-Founder/Board of Directors/ Executive Advisory Board and Ambassador, Grief Heroes Foundation

Grief is a wave. And if you are a child, you don't even know how to swim yet. You are fighting against something you don't even understand. So your chances of surviving, of not being completely taken under by that wave, are so much smaller. You need a life vest. A rescue boat. Something.

When I was maybe three or four years old, I nearly drowned in a neighbor's pool. I was in the deep end, and my inflatable "swimmies" on my arms must have fallen off. All I know is I started going under. You know who saved me?

My mom.

She leapt from her pool chair, fully clothed, and jumped into the deep end of that pool so fast you wouldn't believe.

Because that's what parents do. They rescue us. Time and time again. They are an anchor, a buoy. Holding us steady, standing in the middle of a vast sea saying "here I am" so we don't get lost.

And a few years later, she was gone.

My life vest. My rescue boat. My something. My anchor.

Gone.

I was lost.

Who would save me from drowning with a massive wave of grief crashing over me? Who would jump into the deepest of deep ends and rescue me now?

When children and adolescents lose a parent (or other loved one), they and their families desperately need meaningful support and resources. I will say it again: grief is a wave. And for a child, the threat of drowning is very real.

I, and my family, lost my mom in 1995 — when I had just turned eight years old and my sister was 12, soon to turn 13. If we still don't have strong, effective support and resources for childhood loss & grief today in 2020, you can imagine what was available 25 years ago. Not much.

I was fortunate to have some wonderful teachers and other caring adults in my life, including my father — who became a single parent to two young daughters virtually overnight. But let's be honest, the average adult is just not equipped to help a child navigate the tidal wave that is grief.

I saw a therapist, I went to the guidance counselor at my school, I was gifted with well-intentioned but less-than-helpful books about death that were abstract, over my head, and I just couldn't connect with or understand at eight years old.

One of the biggest things I remember from losing my mom was the profound feeling of loneliness and a lack of meaningful support to help me, as a child, understand and navigate the loss. Most children barely understand death as a basic concept, let alone trying to make sense of the fact that a parent or other close family member is gone and is never coming back. Suddenly, a child is forced to grow up very quickly and loses so much of their childhood innocence in the face of a devastating loss and subsequent grief. And many parents are left trying to navigate their own grief, while also guiding their child or children through their separate and very different grief journey.

Grief is just that: a journey. And it's one no child or family should face alone. This is something the Grief Heroes Foundation — which I have recently become involved with — believes deeply, and is at the core of its mission. And in the face of a global virus pandemic that is resulting in an alarming surge in the number of children experiencing loss & grief, it's more important than ever that children and teenagers/adolescents have adequate resources and support to face an entirely different pandemic: the pandemic of profound loneliness that is childhood grief.

Becoming involved with Grief Heroes is truly a full circle moment for me, as I continue to navigate my own grief journey and the many ways childhood loss & grief have manifested in my adult life, while also working to help children and families navigate through their journeys with grief. No two are the same, but they all require the same support and compassion. I have lived this story, and feel strongly that it is my life's purpose to guide and support other children and families through their own. I have walked the long, winding road that is grief and recognize I will continue walking it for the rest of my life, because grief never ends — it just shape-shifts and manifests in new ways at different points throughout our lives.

A few statistics on childhood loss:

• 1 in 20 children will lose one or both parents before turning 15.
• 1 in 5 children will experience the death of someone close to them before the age of 18.
• 1.5 million children in the U.S. are living in single parent households due to the death of a parent.

Grief is a wave. But children and their families don't have to face it alone. We can teach them how to swim. We can be their life vest, their rescue boat. It's past time for our society and culture to recognize childhood grief as the pandemic of loneliness and isolation that it is — impacting children, adolescents and their families across the world — and to step into the shadows & shine a light of hope.

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Julia Morin is a childhood grief survivor, having lost her mother very suddenly and tragically at eight years old. She is fiercely passionate about ending the stigma around grief and loss — especially in childhood — as she continues to navigate the various manifestations of this significant childhood loss, and related trauma, in her adult life.

She is also a passionate advocate for mental health awareness and minimizing the stigma associated with mental health disorders and struggles — something that many survivors of childhood loss and grief are eventually faced with in some form.

Julia currently serves as Grief Heroes Ambassador as well as on the Board of Directors and Executive Advisory Board for the Grief Heroes Foundation.

About Grief Heroes Foundation

Grief Heroes Foundation is a non-profit organization committed to providing grief healing and mental wellness resources to children and teenagers to help them navigate during times of adversity.

Grief Heroes is working to become a lifeline in grief and close the gap of loneliness for children, teenagers, and their families.

The foundation aims to reduce the stigma often associated with discussing death and grief in conjunction with schools, hospitals, and grief organizations through educational programs and donations.

For more on Grief Heroes Foundation, visit www.griefheroes.org.